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How to deal with your own anger

How to deal with your own anger

How to deal with your own anger

By John Chopores


Know that feeding your anger can lead to more and more sin!

Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirs up strife, And a furious man abounds in transgression.

It was so, with David! Cf. 1 Samuel 25:21 Now David had said, "Surely in vain I have protected all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belongs to him. And he has repaid me evil for good.

1 Samuel 25:22 "May God do so, and more also, to the enemies of David, if I leave one male of all who belong to him by morning light."

Anger can make a person, hard to deal with.

Cf. 1 Kings 12:13 Then the king answered the people roughly, and rejected the advice which the elders had given him;

1 Kings 12:14 and he spoke to them according to the advice of the young men, saying, "My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke; my father chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scourges!"

1 Kings 12:15 So the king did not listen to the people; for the turn of events was from the LORD, that He might fulfill His word, which the LORD had spoken by Ahijah the Shilonite to Jeroboam the son of Nebat.


How to deal with it


Do not keep feeding your anger

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Comments by others:

" Solomon, as conservator of the public peace, here tells us,


1. How the peace may be kept, that we may know how in our places to keep it; it is by soft words. If wrath be risen like a threatening cloud, pregnant with storms and thunder, a soft answer will disperse it and turn it away. When men are provoked, speak gently to them, and give them good words, and they will be pacified, as the Ephraimites were by Gideon's mildness (#Jud 8:1-3); whereas, upon a like occasion, by Jephthah's roughness, they were exasperated, and the consequences were bad, #Jud 12:1-3. Reason will be better spoken, and a righteous cause better pleaded, with meekness then with passion; hard arguments do best with soft words.


2. How the peace will be broken, that we, for our parts, may do nothing towards the breaking of it. Nothing stirs up anger, and sows discord, like grievous words, calling foul names, as Raca, and Thou fool, upbraiding men with their infirmities and infelicities, their extraction or education, or any thing that lessens them and makes them mean; scornful spiteful reflections, by which men affect to show their wit and malice, stir up the anger of others, which does but increase and inflame their own anger. Rather than lose a jest some will lose a friend and make an enemy." [MATTHEW HENRY].

" A soft answer turneth away wrath, &c.] Mild words, gentle expressions, delivered with kindness and tenderness, humility and submission; these will work upon a man's passions, weaken his resentments, and break and scatter the storm of wrath raised in his breast, just breaking forth in a very boisterous and blustering manner; so high winds are sometimes laid by soft showers. Thus the Ephraimites were pacified by Gideon's mild answer; and David by Abigail's very submissive and respectful address, #Jud 8:1-3 1Sa 25:25-32;


but grievous words stir up anger; such as are rough and menacing, scornful and sneering, reproachful and reviling, proud, haughty, and overbearing; like those of Jephthah to the Ephraimites; and of the Ephraimites to the Gileadites; and of Nabal to David's servants, concerning him; and of Rehoboam, who answered the people roughly: in all which instances anger was stirred up, and either were or like to have been attended with bad consequences, #Jud 12:1-4 #1Sa 25:10,11,21,22 1Ki 12:13,14. Or a "word" causing, or rather expressing, "grief" {r}; upbraiding others with being the cause of grief to them." [JOHN GILL].


Be slow in letting lose your anger

Proverbs 15:18 A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention.

Pride, is easy harmed, and when let to do its will, will harm many more!

Comments by another:

" 1. Passion the great make-bate. Thence come wars and fightings. Anger strikes the fire which sets cities and churches into a flame: A wrathful man, with his peevish passionate reflections, stirs up strife, and sets people together by the ears; he gives occasion to others to quarrel, and takes the occasion that others give, though ever so trifling. When men carry their resentments too far, one quarrel still produces another.


2. Meekness the great peace-maker: He that is slow to anger not only prevents strife, that it be not kindled, but appeases it if it be already kindled, brings water to the flame, unites those again that have fallen out, and by gentle methods brings them to mutual concessions for peace's-sake." [MATTHEW HENRY].


Watch your tongue! Cf. James 3:5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!

6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.

7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind.

8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God.

Do not love your anger and hold on to it!

Cf. Ephesians 4:26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,


Do not take pride, in your anger!

Cf. Gen.4: 23 Then Lamech said to his wives: "Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; Wives of Lamech, listen to my speech! For I have killed a man for wounding me, Even a young man for hurting me.

24 If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, Then Lamech seventy-sevenfold."

Comments by another:

" Observe,


1. How haughtily and imperiously he speaks to his wives, as one that expected a mighty regard and observance: Hear my voice, you wives of Lamech. No marvel that he who had broken one law of marriage, by taking two wives, broke another, which obliged him to be kind and tender to those he had taken, and to give honour to the wife as to the weaker vessel. Those are not always the most careful to do their own duty that are highest in their demands of respect from others, and most frequent in calling upon their relations to know their place and do their duty.


2. How bloody and barbarous he was to all about him: I have slain, or (as it is in the margin) I would slay a man in my wound, and a young man in my hurt. He owns himself a man of a fierce and cruel disposition, that would lay about him without mercy, and kill all that stood in his way; be it a man, or a young man, nay, though he himself were in danger to be wounded and hurt in the conflict.

Note, It is a common thing for fierce and bloody men to glory in their shame (#Php 3:19), as if it were both their safety and their honour that they care not how many lives are sacrificed to their angry resentments, nor how much they are hated, provided they may be feared." [MATTHEW HENRY].

Be quick to Forgive

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.


Even when our hearts want to get back, we may just need to overlook a wrong done to us.

Cf. Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.

Comments by another:

" A wise man will observe these two rules about his anger:


1. Not to be over-hasty in his resentments: Discretion teaches us to defer our anger, to defer the admission of it till we have thoroughly considered all the merits of the provocation, seen them in a true light and weighed them in a just balance; and then to defer the prosecution of it till there be no danger of running into any indecencies. Plato said to his servant,


"I would beat thee, but that I am angry."


Give it time, and it will cool.


2. Not to be over-critical in his resentments. Whereas it is commonly looked upon as a piece of ingenuity to apprehend an affront quickly, it is here made a man's glory to pass over a transgression, to appear as if he did not see it (#Ps 38:13), or, if he sees fit to take notice of it, yet to forgive it and meditate no revenge." [MATTHEW HENRY].


Cf. Luke 6:37 "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

[Please note: all Bile verses (unless otherwise stated) are from the NKJV].